When we are walking in a moment sometimes we don’t see it as it is. We see what’s in front of us, but we don’t have a birds eye view of the situation as a whole. I reflect on this often when I go back and forth in my mind about my decision with my nursing license. I think- was I being rebellious and not thinking clearly or do I continue to walk by faith in knowing all things work together for a greater purpose. It’s hard to decipher sometimes honestly. Some days I feel I’m changing things and some days I feel Ive done nothing at all towards that sacrifice. Meditation has helped me to learn how to stay present, does it always help? Not always!!- Look, I’m a work in progress. I will not pretend to know everything and how all of this is suppose to work together. I just walk in it and learn through it one step at a time and still stumbling along the way.
Recently, I’ve come to learn that I may never be eligible for employment requiring a background check. Due to what could be viewed as a rebellious act of going against absolutes that didn’t seem so absolute I became a casualty of a silent war. The dark side of a sacrifice many may never understand.
The most devastating part is I’ve always had a deep love for nursing. Since about 10 years old, I knew I wanted to do something helping people. I was study my mom’s home remedy books cover to cover learning about healing. Even becoming a teen mom wasnt an obstacle I couldn’t handle as I kept my eyes on the prize of becoming something the world needs more of- a compassionate soul. So with deep love comes deep pain of having your heart broken by something that was a part of your essence. My own nursing board has ignored my emails for years, they don’t even support or acknowledge that it is medicinal and nurses should be at the table. So it hurts knowing those who should have my back may never have my back. It hurts to reflect on how much I have lost along the way- an opportunity to go back to school to further my nursing education, opportunities to build nurse based business, opportunities that not having the license but only education means nothing. I also then shift more to anger that because me failing a pre-employment screening has led to an unwarranted charge of fraud and abuse on my background. Nurses take an oath that is sacred- I wouldn’t dare commit those acts. The dark side....
Who is Da420Nurse 🌱💨👩🏾⚕️
I call it the dark side because when I made that decision to choose my mental health over my license and voluntary surrender my license I didn’t see all of this coming as what can be viewed as punishment for going against the establishment. But I have faith that my suffering has not been in vain.
And I’ll always be rebellious- what’s right is right and what’s wrong is wrong. Remove yourself bias and see this world for what it is.
Peace ✌🏽Love and 💖Light ✨